Odd Happenings
by Marvelous Mark
Summary: This story covers many characters and might even be out of character sometimes. It's just good ol' humor. Rated T for sexual content, language, and stupidity.
1. Roshi's Place

-1Note: This story takes place not long after everyone, including Goku, comes back from Namek. Trunks has told everyone about the Androids. Vegeta has yet to go Super Saiyan. Everyone is preparing to start training for the Androids arrival.

Chapter 1: Roshi's Place

The old man sat there on his couch, watching some very entertaining TV. He was smiling bigger than anyone was physically able to. His teeth were crusty, but his tongue rolled across the lower line on teeth, skipping notches from the ones knocked out back in his fighting days. Behind the dark glasses, his yellow eyes shimmered with an 800 year old shine. Almost a century old and the geezer still whooped it everyday, usually more than once… actually more than 12 times on average, but who's counting? Turtle was out back, taking his usual swim around the island. Oolong, Krillin, and Bulma had all went to the store. Roshi recalled that he asked them to pick him up a 40 oz. He would need it after he tore his mess up all day. He never told anyone about his beatings. Everyone had their suspicions, after all, he was a very perverted old man.

Roshi sat on the couch, buck-naked, laughing and grinning at the ladies he watched on the Playboy channel. He was almost done… with his seventeenth round. He didn't do near as well when he boxed, but that was over 400 years ago. He heard the hover car pull up and moved frantically to finish. Just as the door opened, Roshi jumped up, covering himself with a towel. Oolong stepped in first, followed by Bulma, then Krillin who carried all the groceries. Oolong caught a slight glimpse of the wrinkled old ass.

"What the fuck were you doing?" Oolong asked.

Roshi's eyes widened. He tried to act angry. "What do you mean 'what am I doing?' I just got out of the shower! Can't I walk around in a towel in my own house!"

"But the bathroom is upstairs."

"So… I heard the car pull up and I thought I'd help you with the groceries."

"Go put on some clothes!" Bulma shouted. "You're making me sick!" She put her hand over her mouth, gagging.

"This is _my_ house! You sonsabitches stay here for free!" Roshi was sick and tired of everyone pushing him around. He threw his towel down and stood there naked.

"What the fuck is that!" Krillin shouted, dropping the bags of groceries.

Bulma lost control and vomited all over Oolong's head.

"What the FUCK!" Oolong shouted.

Roshi stood in a prideful stance. "I'm so damn sick of you freeloaders telling me what to do! I'm not covering my dragon up until you all apologize!"

"Apologize!" Bulma screamed. "I don't even live here! I just came by to see if Yamcha was here and you asked me to drive them," pointing to Krilling and Oolong, "to the store to get you some damn liquor! I'll just stay at my father's place from now on! You're a fucking pervert anyway!"

"Well, I have to live here, so I'm sorry!" Oolong said. "I don't want to see your… dragon."

"It's just a salamander." Krillin stated.

"Oh, you think that's real funny, huh!" Roshi yelled. "Wait until you're 800 years old and see how your shit looks! You be lucky if it's bigger than a beetle's dick!"

"That would be pretty awesome." Krillin said.

"What are you saying?" Oolong asked.

"Well, I'm a short man… and I don't have a nose. You know what that means…"

"You're a fucking freak! Why the fuck don't you have a nose!" Roshi yelled.

"Everyone just shut up!" Bulma commanded. "If you just put on some clothes, we can all forget about this whole situation!"

"I'm not gonna forget that decrepit old nutsack!" Oolong said, trying to wipe the vomit off of his head.

"Well try!" Bulma said to Oolong. "Here's your 40 ounce!" She said, shoving the bottle into Roshi's sticky hands.

Roshi starts drinking quickly. He takes the bottle down from his lips and opens his mouth to speak, but he is interrupted by a loud crash outside.


	2. Domestic Disturbance

-1

Chapter 2: Domestic Disturbance

Master Roshi drops the bottle on his toe as the thunderous crash erupts. "Ow!"

"What the hell is that!" Krillin asks.

Before anyone can answer, the door flies from it's hinges, smacking flat into Roshi and covering him on the floor. Everyone is speechless as the prince of all Saiyans enters the room. "Tell me, where is that son-of-a-bitch, Kakarot!"

Krillin clears the lump in his throat. "V-v-vege-"

Vegeta looks perturbed. "V-v-v-v-v-v-v! Spit it out you bumbling fool!" He mocks Krillin.

"G-goku is at his house…"

"At his house? AT HIS HOUSE! What do I look like, his best fucking friend? How would I know where his house is! Take me there you fucking idiot!"

"Now Vegeta, there's no need-" Bulma started.

"No need for what? Fucking cursing? Fucking cursing! I tell you what, woman! You will come with me to Kakarot's… house." Under his breath, "Domestic! How fucking domestic can a Saiyan be? I bet he even plays with that half-breed son of his! Sickening!"

Just as Vegeta is about to walk out, there is a commotion on the floor. "What the hell just happened!" Roshi's muffled voice said from under the door. He pushed it to the side and stood up, shaking off the dirt, among other things. Vegeta gave a furious sneer.

"Why the FUCK are you naked, old man!" Vegeta shouted.

"It's my damn house! I'm tired of people treating me like trash!"

"Shut your mouth! You are a piece of trash! The next time I am insulted by such a deteriorated old carcass I will not hesitate to destroy you! Understand?"

Roshi suddenly felt like a little kid in trouble with his father. "Yeah, I understand."

"Good. Now let's go! Baldy, grab the loud mouth!" Vegeta commanded as he flew off.

"What did he call me! Loud mouth! I'M NOT LOUD!" Bulma shouted as Krillin scooped her up and took off behind Vegeta.

"The fuck you ain't!" Roshi said after they left. He walked outside to see if he could still hear Bulma screaming and indeed he could. Eventually, her screams turned to the sound of the ocean and all was at peace again. As he turned, the site of his hover car in ruins caught his eyes. "Son-of-a-bitch!" The car was mostly whole, but quite beat up. He approached it and looked closer. There was a hole in the side of it. At first he thought it was a blast hole, but the edges weren't burnt. He looked in the hole.

"Master," Turtle said from within the car, "He threw me through the car. I think I'm stuck."

Roshi gave a slight smile and started to loosen the metal around Turtle.

"Master?" Turtle said.

"What?"

"Why are you naked?"


	3. House of Flying Dishes

-1

Chapter 3: House of Flying Dishes

Goku sat the table eating, as usual. Chi-Chi was working her ass off just to keep food on the table for the glutinous Saiyan. With every plate that piled up on the far side of the table, her brow frowned even further. She sat two more bowls of rice on the counter and before she could blink they were empty.

"That's enough, Goku! Don't you think you've had enough?" Chi-Chi asked.

"Well… I could do with a little more-"

"NO! I'm not cooking anymore today!"

Gohan walked in from playing outside. "Hey mom, what's for dinner?"

She slapped her hand across her forehead. "You boys will be the death of me." She started cooking up another pot of soup.

"Dad, you've already ate without me?"

"Oh no, son. It was just a little snack." As Goku said this, the stack of plates and bowls toppled over and crashed to the floor.

"Goku!" Chi-Chi shouted. "Go to the store and buy me some more dishes! This is all your fault!"

"Come on, Gohan. Let's go." Goku said, opening the door. The father and son pair took off for the city.

"He sure is a pain in the ass!" Chi-Chi said to herself. "I guess that's why I love him." She started picking up the pieces of the broken dishes. After a few minutes, she heard some feet approaching the door. "Goku, you're back alrea-" Her voice was cut short by the Saiyan prince shoving the door open.

"Wife of Kakarot!" Vegeta said firmly. "Where is that low-class scum?"

"You have some nerve barging in here like that!"

"Shut up! Just tell me where he is!"

Chi-Chi saw Krillin and Bulma standing behind Vegeta. "You two have something to do with this?" She asked.

Krillin was even more terrified of Chi-Chi than Vegeta. "I…, I mean, h-he forced me to show him where Goku lived." Krillin said.

"What do you want with Goku?" Chi-Chi asked, once again turning her attention to Vegeta.

"Who?" Vegeta asked.

"You know who you came here for! Goku!"

"I do not recognize that as a proper Saiyan name! As far as I'm concerned, his name is Kakarot!"

"Carrot?"

"Do not mock me, woman! I am loosing my patience! I have destroyed planets for less!" Vegeta snarled.

"Oh enough of that tough-guy attitude!" Chi-Chi said.

"Tough… guy… attitude! Are you serious! I am the prince of all Saiyans! Do not make me out to be some punk like the Earth scum on this planet!" Vegeta reached back and punched Krillin in the face. It would have busted his nose but he doesn't have one.

"What was that for!" Krillin yelled, holding his hand over his mouth.

"That was for being a bald bitch!" Vegeta, now focused on Chi-Chi. "Tell me damn it! Where is Kakarot!"

"If it's that important to you, he's at the store buying me some new dishes!"

Vegeta let out a slight chuckle. "Heh, that fool is becoming too domestic. SAIYANS DON'T BUY DISHES! They take them!" Vegeta walked out of the house and grabbed Krillin by the collar. "Take me to the store where Kakarot is!"

"But I don't know which one-"

"TAKE ME!" Vegeta shouted.

"Sorry about this whole thing." Bulma said to Chi-Chi.

"Come on, loud mouth!" Vegeta called.

Bulma frowned and walked out the door. Krillin once again scooped her up and they took off for the city. Chi-Chi picked up the last few pieces of broken glass and stirred the pot of soup. "I can tell it's going to be a loooong day!"


	4. Wal Mart

-1

Chapter 4: Wal-Mart

Goku and Gohan stood in awe at the magnificence of the store known as "Wal-Mart." Goku looked around, his mouth hanging open as his gaze came to a stop on the bakery. Goku started fondling his privates. Gohan glanced over and saw this. "DAD!"

"Wha-, huh? What is it son?" Goku asked, removing his hand from his package.

"Why are you… playing with yourself?"

"All this food! It's making me horny!" Goku said as he ran over to a table full of cakes. "Oh, I'm gonna fuck you and eat you so fast!" He said to the cake.

Gohan ran up to his father just as he was about to take off his pants. "Dad, stop!"

"It'll only take a second." Goku pleaded.

"No! Please just come on so we can get the stuff mom wanted!"

"Fine…"

Goku and Gohan proceeded through aisle after aisle until they finally came upon the silverware and dishes aisle. "Here, dad." Gohan said, handing Goku a small piece of paper. "Go get the stuff mom wrote on this paper while I get the dishes."

"Uh… you sure I should go by myself?" Goku said hesitantly.

"Sure. You can handle it! After all, you beat Frieza!"

"Heh… yeah… I guess I did." Goku turned around and looked down the never-ending aisle. "This shit is longer than snake way!"

"It's not that long, dad."

"There better be a Kai at the end of this aisle or I'm gonna be pissed!" Goku said as he started walking. After what seemed like a thousand miles, Goku reached the end of the aisle. "There aren't any dutch bags down this way!" Goku saw a sales associate and quickly ran over to him. "Excuse me!"

"Yes?" The short, little man said.

"I'm looking for a dutch bag?" Goku said.

"I'm not familiar with that item, sir."

"You sure? It's this thing here." Goku said pointing to the item on the list.

The man sort of chuckled. "Sir, that says douche bag."

"Oh, well… what's so funny about it?"

"Oh nothing. Just go to aisle 397 and it should be about 8 miles down."

"WHAT!" Goku shouted.

"I said go to aisle 7 and it should be about 8 feet down." The man repeated.

"Heh… I misunderstood you. Thanks." Goku said as he reluctantly started walking again. Eventually, he made his way to aisle 7 and found the special product. "What the hell does this thing do?" He said, opening the package. Goku examined it thoroughly and couldn't figure out what to do with it. "I guess it's a ball of some kind. I guess I gotta inflate it." Goku put his mouth around the cap and started blowing.

At just that moment, a female sales associate walked around the corner. "Sir!" She screamed, extremely surprised.

"Hey! You wanna play ball with me?" Goku said, smiling.

"I certainly do not! That is not a toy!"

"Huh? Then what is it?"

"Who is it for?" The woman asked.

"My wife."

"Ask her! Just put it back in the package and go pay for it!" The woman shouted, walking away in disgust.

Goku walked back to where Gohan had been, but he was no longer there. Goku started to get frantic, pacing back and forth. "Where is he? This place is too big! I'll never find him!" Suddenly, Goku heard an explosion coming from the front of the store. "I knew this place was bad! Now I gotta go see what that was!" He said, stuffing the douche bag in his shirt.

Goku ran to the end of the aisle, but all he saw was more aisles. He ran back to the other end of the aisle and still, all he saw was more aisles. "How the fuck do you get outta this place!" As he said this, the aisles to the right of him suddenly blew apart. "What the-?" He felt another blast coming, so he jumped up and the aisle he was standing in disappeared. "What the hell is going on?"

His question was about to be answered.


End file.
